dainty empress.☘︎ ݁˖

almost at the end of 2025. i still gain nothing from my business endeavor. i still ache from all the past wounds. but it's okay. now, i have lita. i have a little soul that i want to keep her well. i never told anyone about it.

bencana aceh? sangat mengerikan. i don't know i kept playing this game until i found dead. i don't know when, i don't know how, i don't know where. just... i cleanse my heart.

i get everything i want back in 2020 i gain more, i lost some... but at what cost? i still feeling empty and numb. i want all my peers' belonging. i get those too. and i have mercy to those who doubt. with all the achievements in materialism and other factors he has accomplished, i feel bad for him. he's unhappy and unfulfilled. he's what the book of Ecclesiastes concluded about 'chasing the wind...' Alex is intellectualizing everything and not letting go enough to just have faith as small as a mustard seed. He chased everything that was vanity and even in his own voice, he seems and sounds depressed.

I want to live off my dream. My dream? karya.

Cara ridha dengan takdir Allah 1) Tidak membanding-bandingkan diri dengan keadaan orang lain. 2) Segala hikmah itu tidak harus turun saat bersama dengan musibahnya. Tetaplah berjalan saja, grief itu nanti akan mengecil dan mengecil.

I gave up Hollywood and Pop Culture. Done. I gave up Instagram Posting. Done. I gave up TikTok, Reels, and Shorts for fun. Just Reels for business engagement without anything embedded in my brain. Half way. I gave up gossip, berdua-duaan, even Snapchat. Done. I gave up the comfort of my bed. Done. I gave up... Golia, hope so. Done. I gave up... my brownies and my craving for sweets. Done. I gave up... dating. DONE. I gave up... linkedin. Done. I gave up... pagesofkhair on instagram. Done. I gave up pagesofputri too. Even i gave up with spokenbyputri. I fully focus on tamara. DONE. I gave up... my phone and Polybuzz. DONE. I gave up gaming. DONE. I gave up make-up. I gave up buying new clothes out of impulse. DONE. I gave up clicking on Instagram story. halfway. I gave up even a sweet drinks like tea. DONE. I gave up instant noodles. DONE. I still learn, to consistently gave up on music. halfway through. My dream was so vivid and full of symbolisms. From the dark alley and a bathroom without toilet, to the junkfood slippery roads, and mentoring session with the owner of Mbun. I gave up stalking people. I never saw my ex's profile a bit. DONE. I gave up dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel. DONE. I gave up unnecessary doom watching Alex Hormozi or Steven Diary of A CEO, and else... I tried to. halfway. I gave up gluten. I tried my best. halfway. I gave up my dream about sending my daughter to KSA college, Princess Nourah in Saudi Arabia. DONE. I gave up for searching my own soul like in 'be yourself' propaganda. done. I'm not buying into that anymore. Anything is just... a responsibility now. yes. I gave up learning French right now. Too much to juggle. DONE. I gave up being the all-knowing stereotypical first daughter. DONE. I gave up explaining to people. I gave up sending mails and handwritten mails for them. DONE. Fuck. I gave up on an ideal life and the transition was rough. DONE, Now I, consciously or unconsciously shaped with my own vision and never ending focus and flow. yes. Heck I gave up on my exercise plan and Muay Thai. I know I gotta keep on track for that. DONE. I gave up, still try, not to consume news. halfway through.

18/08/2025 I gave up monthly internet payment for two of my account. I gave up explaining. I gave up sweetened tea. I don't even like teh kotak, indomie, frozen foods anymore. I gave up story hoarding or waiting for a time to flex. I gave up posting or flexing something to people whom I hate. It's still counted as people pleasing. i gain @humphreyrusli, @arifhidayat, @Hengki, @Ki Noto Widjojo. I try to gave up Facebook too.

But I gave birth to my ever changing business. Tamara Bakery. The best I could have despite all the losses. I still have my parents. And God please, give my health bar to both of them.

One thing: Violently Rapid Growth. That is me. “Hate is nature's most perfect energy source. It's endlessly renewable.” said Bobby. I never agree so much.

masukkan ke perjanjian pranikah: jika kamu jajan dengan sepengatahuan aku atau tidak, sebelum berhubungan, aku akan meminta kejujuran kamu dan medical checkup. jika ada STD light-mild, tunda berhubungan. jika ada STD heavy-uncurable, aku minta cerai. September 11, 2024 edit delete change to anonymous

one thing yang aku baru sadari: people that has Allah's wrath on them, they are taking pride on how life's struggle doing on them, how sick are they (mentally/physically). basically, they are all glorifying the difficulties of life, not stacking achievements/useful skills that really make impactful influence in society. just my 2 cents. September 10, 2024 edit delete change to anonymous

terms & conditions about marriage: first in 31 august, 2024. next: today. september, 10. sample questions for a prospective spouse!!

1) what are your short and long-term goals and aspirations in life? 2) how do you envision a fulfilling and happy relationship? 3) what are some of the values and principles that guide your life? 4) can you tell me about a significant life experience— that has shaped who you are today? 5) how you handle conflict, and how you communicate in relationship? 6) what are some of the qualities or characteristics you value in a partner? 7) how do you maintain a work-life balance and prioritize your personal well-being? 8) what role does family play in your life, and what kind of relationship do you hope to have with your future in-laws? 9) what are your thoughts on personal growth and self-improvement? 10) how do you envision supporting each other's dreams and ambitions within a partnership?

11) what are your core beliefs and values? 12) what are your professional plans over the next 5-10 years? 13) what kind of person are you with money? spender or saver? 14) how importrant is a legacy to you? 15) how do you feel about the responsibility of being a model man for your kids and others? 16) how is your temperament? do you know it? how do you think it will/does influence you? 17) what is your attachment style? 18) how is communication done when you are unsatisfied/unhappy? 19) what would you change in your life and character? 20) how is your relationship with your family/siblings and how important is it to you?

21) how would your relationship with your parents benefit and affect our relationship? 22) what does your ideal family look like? what is your vision of marriage? what are your marital fantasies? 23) who inspires you? khadijah. 24) what is your financial expectation of your wife? 25) name three things you'd like to have in common with your partner? 26) what are your bad habits, if you have any? suka mendiamkan pasangan, sibuk sendiri, sampai diajak ngomong dan dihibur dulu. 27) is providing for the home a sole or shared responsibility? 28) would you allow your wife to work? 29) who are yorur friends? who you follow on instagram/social media apps? 30) what are the things that you can't condone from your spouse and may/would lead to immediate request for the termination of the marriage contract? financial infidelity (debt/investasi bodong dengan hutang ratusan juta), romantic infidelity that leads to STD, domestic violences both verbal and physical, melanggar perjanjian pranikah. September 10, 2024 edit delete change to anonymous

Health, wealth, relationships, and happiness are markets that hold the unconscious, subconscious, or conscious goals of every human being.

Business is about solving survival and status problems.

Make your goals conscious, solve your own problems, and distribute your lessons.

dua hal yang aku pelajari, satu hal yang aku sums up til today.

#1 semua orang butuh makan, maka makanan ngga ada matinya. #2 semua orang masih pakai baju, maka selama itu pula rezeki akan selalu ada. #3 setiap orang berhubungan dengan orang lain, selama itu pula akan ada bisnis untuk menjadi konsultan. tapi yang ini, butuh expertise panjang, jatuh bangun.

what i learn so far in my 24 y.o i took it from Elisha Long, people doesn't need advice, people only need permission. permission to be just themselves, permission to be a failure—sometimes.

hapuskan segala rasa entitlement dari dalam dirimu. engkau hanyalah seorang—or even worse, seonggok, hamba yang hina dina di hadapan Penciptamu. engkau tidak mampu berbuat apapun, bahkan sesederhana menutup kelopak matamu apabila Penciptamu tidak mengizinkan engkau.

at least, aku bukan single mother. at least, aku tidak dibawah suami sakjiw. at least, aku tidak mengasuh anak. at least, aku tidak punya hutang. at least, aku tidak merasa ada sakit dalam tubuhku. 2010—2023 terlalu banyak penyakit yang hinggap. flu singapur, sariawan kronis, even gatal-gatal, gejala usus buntu, even tifus per semester, GERD, vertigo, asma, anxiety, depression, sinus, migraine, anorexia, even binge eating. bahkan sampai sekarang masih sering sneezing beruluh-puluh kali. namun pikiranku lebih tenang sekarang. everyone is growing up. everyone is moving on. alhamdulillah, orangtuaku masih lengkap. alhamdulillah, aku nggak ngontrak. alhamdulillah, aku punya semua yang kubutuhkan.

tiada kesusahan yang kekal, tiada kegembiraan yang abadi, tiada kefakiran yang lama, tiada kemakmuran yang lestari. Imam Syafi'i rahimahullah.

Allah membuka jalan pengusaha, karena aku tidak mampu menahan sakitnya sistem pendidikan Indonesia dan aku tidak mampu menahan beratnya jadi dokter—bahkan orangtuaku. Aku tidak mau melewatkan setiap waktunya dengan orangtuaku saat ini. beliau-beliau lah prioritasku saat ini. pertanyaan selanjutnya, pengusaha diukur berdasarkan uang yang digulung. dokter dinilai berdasarkan instansi kesehatan tempat dia bekerja. dosen dinilai berdasarkan instansi pendidikan tempat dia mencurahkan hati. proving potential isn't defined by labels. itu kata ci tia. where's my child-like mind right now? i feel like i'm 18 again but with more strength and conviction with Allah.

one thing 4 sure yang menjadikan aku sekarang: adaptasi. your strength is your weakness too. adaptasi jadi lebih cepat, lebih gesit. namun, adaptasi juga punya kelemahan—tidak teliti, tidak mindful.

hapuskan segala rasa entitlement dari dalam dirimu. engkau hanyalah seorang—or even worse, seonggok, hamba yang hina dina di hadapan Penciptamu. engkau tidak mampu berbuat apapun, bahkan sesederhana menutup kelopak matamu apabila Penciptamu tidak mengizinkan engkau.

at least, aku bukan single mother. at least, aku tidak dibawah suami sakjiw. at least, aku tidak mengasuh anak. at least, aku tidak punya hutang. at least, aku tidak merasa ada sakit dalam tubuhku. 2010—2023 terlalu banyak penyakit yang hinggap. flu singapur, sariawan kronis, even gatal-gatal, gejala usus buntu, even tifus per semester, GERD, vertigo, asma, anxiety, depression, sinus, migraine, anorexia, even binge eating. bahkan sampai sekarang masih sering sneezing beruluh-puluh kali. namun pikiranku lebih tenang sekarang. everyone is growing up. everyone is moving on. alhamdulillah, orangtuaku masih lengkap. alhamdulillah, aku nggak ngontrak. alhamdulillah, aku punya semua yang kubutuhkan.

tiada kesusahan yang kekal, tiada kegembiraan yang abadi, tiada kefakiran yang lama, tiada kemakmuran yang lestari. Imam Syafi'i rahimahullah.

Allah membuka jalan pengusaha, karena aku tidak mampu menahan sakitnya sistem pendidikan Indonesia dan aku tidak mampu menahan beratnya jadi dokter—bahkan orangtuaku. Aku tidak mau melewatkan setiap waktunya dengan orangtuaku saat ini. beliau-beliau lah prioritasku saat ini. pertanyaan selanjutnya, pengusaha diukur berdasarkan uang yang digulung. dokter dinilai berdasarkan instansi kesehatan tempat dia bekerja. dosen dinilai berdasarkan instansi pendidikan tempat dia mencurahkan hati. proving potential isn't defined by labels. itu kata ci tia. where's my child-like mind right now? i feel like i'm 18 again but with more strength and conviction with Allah.

one thing 4 sure yang menjadikan aku sekarang: adaptasi. your strength is your weakness too. adaptasi jadi lebih cepat, lebih gesit. namun, adaptasi juga punya kelemahan—tidak teliti, tidak mindful.

fuck. every successful entrepreneur has a graveyard of versions of themselves they had to kill. the people-pleaser. the perfectionist. the one who needed everyone's approval. you don't become who you meant to be—by addition. you become it by subtraction. by shedding everything that doesn't align with the version of you that's waiting.

i used to think growth meant adding more; more skills, more connections, more strategies. but the real breakthrough came when i realized... growth is actually about subtraction. it's about letting go of the version of yourself that needs everyone to understand your vision before you move forward. the one that waits for perfect timing. the one that plays small to make others comfortable.

every level of entrepreneurship demands a different version of you. and sometimes, becoming who you're meant to be isn't learning something new; it's about unlearning who you thought you had to be.

the person who started your business isn't the same person who's going to scale it. and that's not just okay—that's the whole point. what version of yourself are you ready to leave behind?

UNLEARNING is more important than learning, i am constantly amazed at how many layers are there. shedding and subtraction are two of the hardest things. especially when it involves people you love. the high-performing women in male-dominated fields and the biggest shift isn't adding more—it's letting go of the people-pleasing and perfectionism that kept them stuck in do-er mode.

hanya karena kamu tidak menyerah, tidak berarti kamu akan berhasil. hanya karena kamu sudah usaha banget, tidak berarti kamu akan dihargai. namun, jika Anda menyerah—maka sudah pasti Anda tidak akan berhasil. kamu butuh perspektif yang benar. kamu berusaha itu kamu nambah peluang untuk dirimu sendiri. nggak ada kaitannya dengan orang lain.

kita being right man in the right place in the right time aja masih bisa dinilai salah sama orang yang salah. pasanganmu, karyawanmu, apalagi bos atau presidenmu. mereka itu puluhan tahun dibentuk dunia dan keluarganya. siapa kamu yang baru berapa tahun sudah harap bisa mengubah mereka? yang bisa kamu ubah apa?

aku juga pernah melalui kelelahan—fakta bahwa dunia itu jauh berbeda dari kata-kata motivasi. the trut is, beneran... nggak bisa diubah.

entrepreneurship is the ultimate plot twist. you start solving one problem and accidentally discover ten others you never knew existed. you pivot so many times—you forget your original plan. and somehow, in all that chaos, you build something better than you ever imagined. the detours weren't mistakes. they were the whole point.

if someone told me five years ago what my business would actually look like today, i would have laughed. this isn't even close to what i originally planned. i started trying to solve one simple problem and ended up discovering an entire world of challenges i never knew they existed.

i've pivoted so may times i barely remember what my 'original vision' even was. and honestly? that's the beauty of it. entrepreneurship isn't about sticking to the plan—it's about staying curious enough to follow the breadcrumbs. it's about being flexible enough to let your business teach you what it wants to become.

every pivot that felt like failure was actually intelligence gathering. every detour that seemed like a waste of time was actually research. every 'mistake' was actually your business—showing you a better way forward. in fact, we fail our way to success. failure isn't the opposite of success. it's the path to it. and that's not a problem—that's the process. every setback is setup for a comeback. the thing you're building right now probably isn't the thing you set out to build. your original idea was just the entry point. the real magic happens when you stop trying to force your vision and start letting it evolve.

trust the detours. they know where they're going,

reason to stay – olivia dean my sweet baby – the mark keys a quiet place to live – carole king rifka rachman experince waktu glenn fredly dancing in the moonlight – kingharvestmusic fascination – nat king cole duffy – waverick avenue asleep among end – ichiko aoba raye – john splithoff come on h – coleman mellet romansa ke mana – glenn fredly nobody but you – james taylor it isn't perfect – olivia dean it ain't over til – lenny kravitz too marvelous – nat king cole i fall in love every – sam cooke chet baker, carla marcotulli – dive – olivia dean from the start – laufey it's always you – chet baker anyone who k – irma thomas don't explain – chet baker la vie en rise – louis armstrong miles davis blues no 2 as i sit here – the whisper always – daniel caesar

6:34 AM. i already eat omelette, rice, chocolate milk and bread with meises. alhamdulillah kenyang, ya Allah.

now, i can write peacefully here. for the past... one month, i've been numbing my own self, detach for anything that made me hurt. i mean, if you don't let their words hurt you, you never hurt. but i still, a human being. i still have flaws and limitations. i do my own work and i took pride on my work.

anyway, there's a lot of progress i've been doing lately. i established my own company, get its social media presence a prominent one. let's talk about a game of number, shall we?

kajian, lecture, notes. 8 notebooks, 2023 – 2025 2023, 27+ lectures i attended. 2024, 363+ lectures i attended. 2025, not counting yet.

2024-2025 about marriage proposal, i don't know almost 4 or 5 person. rejected them all.

2025 the weight of want I 321pg the weight of want II unedited, still feel like a ChatGPTy 519pg. all of them combined we can reach 350-450pg.

2025 as per today, 7.00 AM @tamarabakery.id/ 53 Posts, 21 Followers, 10 Following Professional dashboard

7.3K views in the last 30 days. (Jun 4 – Jul 3) Interactions 416; Content you shared 85

Views 7,440 views/ 37.7% Followers 62.3% Non-followers. Account reached 1223 (+623.5% uptick from the last 30 days) By content type -All Posts 76.6%; Stories 21.5%; Reels 1.9% -Followers Stories 51.7%; Posts 45.4%; Reels 2.9% -Non-followers Post 95.6%; Stories 3.2%; Reels 1.2%

Profile activity (vs. May 5 – Jun 3) 780 (+490.9%); Profile visits 774 (486.4%); External link taps 0; Business address taps 6

telegram archives @pageofgoodness, @pagesofkhayr, @ad3iyawithlove1, @archiveofputri

particularly for @archiveofputri; 19224 photos/3860 videos/1168 files. total media 24252 files from august 2, 2024 to july 5, 2024

saved messages on Putri's telegram 641 chats; 33,857 media; 1,801 files; 7,447 links; 95 audio files and 6 voice note.

2024 alone

HSI SIPK (materi dan evaluasi) 1850pg. done; HSI Aqidah (materi dan evaluasi); HSI Mahazi (materi dan evaluasi) 159pg. done.

2025 -realistic advice on business & life ½ 330pg. -realistic advice on business & life 2/2 28pg.