dainty empress.☘︎ ݁˖

Having been through two divorces, I'd say the biggest problem is substantially different values. When one wants to live simply, save for the future, keep within a budget, but the other is spend it as fast if not faster than we get it, no financial self control, big problem. If you can't conceive naturally, do you accept it, try to adopt, or spend tens of thousands on IVF? Where do you draw the line with in laws and relatives who make demands of your time, money, offer unsolicited advice? How do you resolve religious differences and what if one of you wants to change paths? Too many people are in a rush to get married instead of thinking of these things which if they become sources of conflict will destroy a marriage.

People work harder on their jobs than themselves and goals.

Indifference is when you just don’t care anymore. No love and no hate.

You are no smaller nor larger than that man/woman you want in your life, hon. That car you want, or the career that you want, or the physical body that you want – wants you. Because without you, it only exists in your imaginal realm.

You give it physical life. I think that makes you pretty cool. And that’s the mindset.

treasurernya the Sunnah initiative dari Florida manis yh hehehehehehehehdhshshdhdhhdhd need to lower my gaze

Validation take various forms:

Emotional Validation: This involves acknowledging and accepting someone's emotions without judgment, dismissing, or minimizing them. It's about showing empathy and understanding towards what the person is feeling, even if you don't necessarily agree with it.

Identity Validation: This pertains to recognizing and respecting someone's individuality, beliefs, values, and identity. It involves affirming the validity of their self-perception and identity expression, whether it relates to gender, sexuality, culture, religion, or personal interests.

Experiential Validation: This entails acknowledging and validating someone's personal experiences, whether they are positive or negative. It involves listening attentively, offering support, and validating the reality of their experiences, even if they differ from one's own.

Validation of Achievements and Efforts: This involves recognizing and affirming someone's accomplishments, efforts, skills, or progress. It's about acknowledging their achievements and contributions, which helps boost their self-esteem and motivation.

Ronald Fairbairn explained this really well; he described the “exiting yet frustrating” object. This is well explained in a paper titled “The Allure of the Bad Object”, that can be found online. Its the best single paper on this subject.

“There had been indications that the other was incapable of reciprocating, or loving, or accepting them in the way they desire. They had been pursuing an alluring but rejecting object; an exciting yet frustrating object. The object initially may have offered the conditions of hope but it failed to satisfy. It had awakened an intensity of yearning but it is essentially the elusive object of desire, seemingly there but just out of reach.”

“Access increases, but quality decreases…” So in other words, the odds are good but the goods are odd…

Everyone shows you “who” they really are. It all boils down to, do you want to see it and accept or see it and ignore it, or see it and move on. Every individual is responsible for what they tolerate!

I slept and dreamt that life was joy, I awoke and saw that life was service I acted, and saw that service was joy.

never one in my life that I regret something about not doing enough for other people except my parents and also, Allah. it just I beat myself too much because I always think that I'm not a good child and not a good servant. beside of Allah and parents, I'm just doing the best for them and serve the maximum to gain happiness in me in serving others too.

i guess my thinking is: Courage is just a fear of being a coward.