dainty empress.☘︎ ݁˖

what I learned from previous romantic relationship(s) yg menghabiskan usiaku di remaja (13)—young adult (23) wkwkw lama juga 10th:

life is whether you win or you have lesson—&in my fields of expertise🤓☝🏻, 22nya selalu beriringan. there a set of rule of dating yg tida akan perna mampu dibawa jauh u. mengarungi naik-turun pernikahan walaupun dengan sebanyak apapun cinta, support, kebahagiaan&keserasian, dan lamanya durasi berpacaran—pernikahan itu beda (umum dulu ya, secara nilai spiritual kpn2).

secara umum, ekspektasi pasangan yg dating semakin tinggi tuntutannya & seringkali gamasuk akal (both genders, long-term, >4yrs). jujur, aku dulu dating buat seneng2an&belajar tipis2 tentang hidup domestik. tapii aku jg punya support system lain yg jadi cushion saat aku jatuh—jadi aku tetep bisa thriving & ga ngerepotin pasanganku. kembali lagi, 1 kesepakatan dariku di awal setiap me&my partner decided to be in one journey: “I'm not your therapist.” bahkan itu aku tulis di bio dating apps saat itu. mereka semua setuju&berkhianat jg akhirnya (wkwkwk maaf vulgar diksinya).

daaan ternyata setelah waktu berlalu, mulai keliatan mereka punya emotional baggage entah ttg aspirasi diri mereka; tujuan hidup mereka; kesalahan pengasuhan ortu; nilai spiritual; trust issues; self esteem issues; trauma(s). becanda2an mereka ke aku itu sama. dgn tona: “ih kamu mah bisa ya engage sama video essay/podcast/lectures di yt >1 jam tentang self dev,psikologi&refleksi. aku mah gabisa, malah ngantuk dan bosen.” tapi masalahnya mereka jg ga tambah ilmu dg media lain gitu loooo (gregetan). they just doomscroll with 9gag, tiktok and x bits of this and that ‘personality test/Spotify vibe’. kalau tida suka dengar, bisa u. baca buku, engaged in scientific discussion with other people, going to therapy, attending lecture dan menimba ilmu langsung-berguru; CARI mentor&komunitas; journaling; join stackable/beneficial club/classes; dsb-BANYAK HAL loh untuk upgrade kapasitas diri, udah dimudahkan bahkan bisa sambil rebahan aja (kalau ada keinginan, pasti ada jalan). we are in desperate need of third places outside work&home, nah disini peran pengembangan diri masuk.

benang merahnya –> when someone refused to learn&build a strong support system outside their partner, mereka akan merasakan kegelapan dan susah bahkan u. meraba, let alone menyelesaikan masalah di berbagai bidang. yg ada malah buka2 koper lama terus. frase bahasa Inggrisnya: regurgitating (love this phrase) & living in the past, memproyeksikan kelemahan diri mereka ke pasangannya (shift-blaming).

1 hal yg aku inget terus dari guruku: meraih kebahagiaan dunia itu butuh ilmu, meraih keselamatan & surga itu juga jalannya ilmu both of them need verifiable sources—walaupun tida mesti pakai pendekatan natural science & kombinasikan jg dgn empati. generate uang butuh ilmu, bayar pajak butuh ilmu, cari rumah butuh ilmu, budgeting gaji butuh ilmu, pertahankan hubungan butuh ilmu, regulasi emosi butuh ilmu, parenting butuh ilmu, bahkan menjawab pertanyaan alam kubur juga butuh ilmu & pengamalan. kebutuhan kita akan ilmu lebih mendesak, sama seperti kebutuhan kita akan udara untuk bernapas—daripada kebutuhan kita akan makan&minum.

intinyaa kalau kita berhenti belajar dan memilih u. ‘going with the flow’ sama aja itu mati. ikan yg going with the flow kan ikan yg uda mati—tida ada usaha u. berenang&melawan arus lagi. guruku jg bilang & aku baru ngeh: being an adult isn't an age-related game but insight-game. banyak orang yg tubuhnya menua, udah >40 tahun&bahkan punya anak tapi emotional regulationnya masih kaya anak 5 tahun suka tantrum dan ini BUANYAaaaaK BANGET.

dream log 5.49am

aku lagi liburan sama suamiku kaan, no kids yet (black gentleman hehe). sebenernya lagi off-roading, belajar pakai ford hehehehe seneeng banget. terus hubbyku lagi buka grup anak-anak smp sesat kaan (sembilan satu). terus hubbyku bilang, “sayang ini si amory sama kakaknya jual dua motornya. nawarin, kamu mau beli ngga?” aku bilang engga lah, kita lagi ngga butuh motor. terus hubbyku bilang lagi, “kasian ternyata udah yatim piatu, eh ternyata kakaknya juga udah meninggal. T^T” terus di grup dia bacakan obrolan kaan. eh ternyata hubbyku video call-an sama si agil, katanya mau bantu patungan buat takziyah. eh tapi ternyata agil bilang, “si amory gamau dibantu, kayanya udah agak gila juga deh. soalnya diajak ngomong udah ngga nyambung. dia mau pindah ke malaysia.” shooo randooom :>>>>>>

Libra wants so badly for everything to be as sweet as pumpkin pie—but sometimes, people are rotten, and the best thing you can do is dump them—a hard lesson for Libra to learn. Face it, Libra: Life can’t always be La Dulce Vita, and Starbucks doesn’t carry pumpkin spice lattes year-round for a reason.

bahahahahahahahahaha

There is a term: emotionally immature persons. At a very young age they did not have the right environment in which they could develop these emotional skills. And their immaturity often only shows up behind closed doors, in their own families. Some specific personality traits of these people are: very egocentric, self absorbed, little empathy, inability to put right something that went wrong in a contact, lack of self-reflection, superficial, defensive, difficulty changing themselves (in behavior, thoughts, ideas), difficulty seeing reality as it is, low stress tolerance, they “restructure” reality so that they can deal with it more easily (i.e. reject, deny, distort), they have problems with emotional intimacy (closeness, contact, getting to know each other on a deeper level). Children that have an emotionally immature parent(s) have a hard time.

everyday routine excellerates this effect. I discovered this myself. It's part of the cycle the set up for us –> relativity of traffic too. time like sped up now.

They say that the older you get, the faster time seems to pass by. One theory is that when you get older and you have already experienced day to day or even abstract things, and less things feel new, that’s the cause of time feeling faster. The feeling of nothing new might be what you and us are experiencing.

ask anyone older they will all tell you the same thing it's always been like that when the thrill is gone

When you get married you don't care about what Islam says, it's your big day and you want to do whatever you like. Freedom.

Then when the marital problems begin and the evil eye and other issues arise, the first thing you do is run to the imam.

Such is the joke approach of many Muslims. Using Islam for a wordly gain only, while throwing it behind our backs when it doesn't suit us. May Allah rectify our affairs.

it was never an ‘if’ but a ‘when’. I think it's a majority of my life phase. I don't settle to a thing, whether it is relationship, places, people, work. not if, but a when. I must... at all cost, in all field, majority of them... I left. left something or someone or somewhere as it is... is my deep down passion. I rarely built my deep relationship, like an attachment or possession because at the end, either I left them or they left me first. I will make sure I have at least 75/100 occurence that I left it first. life happen and I spare 25/100 to be the occasion when I am the one who left out.

what a good time to be straight inhale hmmmm demi Lovato being feminine again. guess being rainbow doesn't pay you penny.

Imam Asy-Syafii rahimahullah mengatakan:

“Sekufu itu dalam 6 perkara: dalam agama, nasab, kemerdekaan, pekerjaan, kebebasan dari aib, dan harta.” [Tuhfatul Muhtaj, 7/28]

jurnal.unigal.ac.id/index.php/galuhjustisi/article/download/795/721

been thinking about an Arab guy, very tall one with a dark blue thobe!!! ganteng banget, tapi sidekick/kroninya prindapan. yaaaah elah wkwkwk aku eye contact sama yg arab, ayu sama yang prindapan hhahahahahahah