dainty empress.☘︎ ݁˖

not doing witchcraft but i have a layered armor for protection from my Creator only.

اللّٰهم بارك ما شا اللّٰه a week recap on creative side

#1 there's someone, out there, turn my vision into visual. ini tuh kaya visualisasi novel2 yang ditulis sama cewe2 puber gt loooh ngerti kan yah (ketauan ya karena dulu aku penulisnya jg) sampai skrg belum bisa move on dari begini-beginian. not to gatekeep @pierre.laurent

#2 pinterest-ku kena suspend ugh lumayan pdhl udah k k an deh yang ngikutin board dan vision aku yg itu. mungkin hikmahnya ya keep it private aja yah, ngga dipantau sama org2 dan takutnya juga ada yg inappropriate jadinya aku jg kena dosa jariyah gitu

#3 orang dalem-nya videografer don toliver orang Dubai juga wkwkwkwk dunia itu kecil. semuanya terkoneksi deh kayanya

#4 جدّة-based aspiring artists gemes2 banget ih hehe in love <3

anyway, to keep your balance you must keep moving!!!

week recap

-MEET SUDANESE SISTER;!!!! BLESSED ME! TAPI BELUM BERANI NGOMONG BANYAK!! -kak pome tinggal di Jepang, dia khawatir sama pendidikan anaknya. padahal walaupun sampai SMP katanya gratis disana. tapi kata beliau, ngeri2 sedap pendidikannya, bau2 homeschool kata dia. aku jadi penasaran kenapa emangnya? -the thought of going and being PR in Malay really provoke me yk...

When a parent dies, you lose the past. When a child dies, you lose the future. When a sibling dies, you lose the past and the future. That is the grief of a sibling—grief for what was past, and grief for what should have been the future.

@LifeTheExperience 8 months ago (edited) I made too many mistakes and I lost her... forever. I then made even more mistakes that pushed her away. I sabotaged a 12-year relationship and although she's moved on, and I've 'moved on' from her as it's been almost 5 months, I am having a hard time forgiving myself. I realize if I do kill myself, the only ones I'm hurting are my family, while she may be sad, she'll move on as she has done. She's no longer her... and it was all my fault, i feel like i 'murdered' my wife. NEVER EVER LISTEN TO FAMILY MEMBERS OR FRIENDS. YOU AND HER ONLY.

speaking in her behalf as a woman with similar experience, good riddance for her. she moved on with her life, she has done and she's no longer her. because it is what it is. you already murdered her authentic self and now you gotta pay the price for hurting such a sweet soul. I hope you have those isolating feeling haunts you every night and have a nightmare and she'll have amazing sunflower-y days every single day and rose-y nights every single night. cheers♥️

wallahi, I swear to God!!! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TQt7Hn_Txak this man is hot as he is and he gets my heart eventually!!!

not gonna lie, i miss Dunkin and Pepsi...

been working like a restless CEO for the past days. di malam hari, mimpiku belakangan ini selalu berkaitan dengan air, akuarium, ikan and being promiscuous. it just super strange to feel that deep about water (pun intended) and being flirty with a lot of people, both woman and man. aku selalu memakai pakaian kurang bahan (yk like bikini, and the accessories like waist jewelry) dan berlarian kesana kemari dan tertawa (i had a lot of good time, actually)

kayanya tubuh dan subconscious mind aku tahu kalau aku single, jadinya aku bebas flirting dengan siapapun dan kapanpun. karena aku menutup aurat irl, jadinya di mimpiku aku bener bener buka2an bebas and it was beyond amazing karena puasnya itu kerasa dan privat banget rasanya. anyway, aku kan lagi dateng ke swimming pool yang gede banget gitu areanya lebih dari Eldorado kayanya. nah, aku tuh berdua sama ciwi, mungkin crush aku kali ya, kita holding hands kaan. terus aku jalan, ngelihat kumpulan anak jalanan 3-5 orang kaya pengamen gitu tapi nigga umuran baru selesai SMA/masih SMA. aku kasih beberapa lembar uang ke mereka, eh salah satu dari mereka narik aku paksa dan mata mereka lustful banget. aku disitu takut banget kan ya, alhamdulillahnya si crush aku ini nolongin aku dan akhirnya aku tidak di-rape/GB sama mereka. it just... their smirks and lustful behavior yang bikin aku sampai sekarang masih bergidik ngeri sih.

manifesting lap service and twerking for gentlemen di recliner, aku pakai bikini dan ada waist jewelry nya. genit genit sedikit nggapapa yaaa😋 mau jadi white cream di Oreo enak kali yaah, diapit sama dua keping sandwich hitam manis nagih uhuuuy🥵 wot sambil kissing gentleman #1 terus di-dryhump sama gentleman #2 sambil dirub rambutku♥️ I can't choose one of them, dua duanya aku suka dan dua-duanya aku mau. by the bar, ada masc woman yang memperhatikan aku dari kejauhan, kata salah satu gentleman-ku (soalnya aku rabun hehe) rambutnya curly dan warna kulitnya tan -not black, tubuhnya atletis but not showing much of a skin. the gentlemen said that aku boleh menghampiri dia, mereka berdua akan nge-gym dan setelah itu menunggu di kamar villa kami. aku mengangguk setuju dengan kesepakatan yag kami buat.

aku menghampiri wanita tersebut dengan wajah yang sepertinya sudah sangat memerah. dari kejauhan 5 meter, aku sudah mendapat bayangannya yang intens saat adoring aku. oh god, senyumnya manis sekali, mengembang dari raut wajahnya yang bulat. aku berdiri tepat di depannya dan ia tersenyum saaaaangat menawan di hadapanku. she picks hibiscus flower and tuck it to my wavy hair.

“such a sweetest darling” she caress my cheek. (BY THE WAY INI entry journal jadi cerita gini yah gapapa deeeeeng sekali kali)

aku hanya mengangguk dan menyembunyikan wajahku agar pipiku yang memerah ini tidak terekspos dengan vulgar. she kissed my cheek and caress my chin so that our eyes meet delightfully. her greenish eyes captivate me a lot. I reach her hands as I start to lose my balance —well this is my trait, kinda have a weak legs when I am super flustered. “whoa princess, you must be overwhelmed, Hun?” i just nod and can't say a word. she placed my body on their lap and hold my waist, their hands never get lose on my hands too.

“apakah aku membuat pacarmu marah, sweetheart?” dia mulai membuka percakapan lagi setelah aku cukup settle dan sudah lebih tenang. “uh?” aku sedikit kebingungan dengan pertanyaannya yang langsung menyambar. “mm, I apologize for my wording, sweetheart. do your gentlemen feel hesitant when i am here caring for you?” attitude-nya membuatku tersenyum bahagia, karena dia memahami dan sangat tepat dengan frekuensiku. aku langsung meresponsnya dengan gelengan kepala. “justru mereka loh, yang memberitahu aku bahwa kamu memperhatikanku dari kejauhan dalam waktu yang cukup lama. kata mereka yaah” kejujuranku membuatnya tertawa dengan lepas. “oh iya yah? well, guilty... you're too good to be true and seeing you with them, make me want to know you more, darling” she plays with my gold beads on my waist. “do you like my men?” dia tertawa lepas lagi. “oh honey, such an innocent snow bunny...” deg. aku kaget dengan ucapannya, namun aku berusaha menyembunyikannya. “...you're the only star that catch my heart from last night. I have no business, heck even a desire toward men, not even yours at any ocassion.” dia menyatakan tegas bahwa dia seorang lesbian—hanya pencinta wanita. “do you fancy me a lot, hum?” seketika level kepercayaan diriku menanjak tajam tanpa butuh proses. dia mengangguk dengan refleksnya yang cepat.

“you are goddess with red satin dress last night, baby. seeing you have salsa with the two of your picked gentlemen made me realize that I want you too...” “you're such a secret admirer, Hun” I linger my hands around her neck and make comfortable sit with them.

“do you have wife, girlfriend or girl in general you fancy and have commitment with?” aku langsung bertanya seperti itu di tengah candaan genit kami, karena aku butuh batasan tegas sebelum melakukan hubungan intim yang lebih jauh, agar tidak ada pihak yang merasa tersakiti. mendengar pertanyaan itu dariku, dia malah mengeratkan pelukannya pada pinggangku dan menggeleng sembari menatap wajahku.

“you're the only woman I pursue from yesterday.” she reach to kiss me with her tender lips. i wholeheartedly reply to their love language of intimacy and move even closer to them.

serene, calm, and confident. the more clarity that you have behind your desired reality, the stronger the frequency will be. which means, the much easier it will be when it comes to the materialisation of your desired reality.

most of the time, who you attribute someone to be, isn't who they are. it's where they are (based on their level of consciousness). know that you're not dealing with people, but you dealing with frequencies—family, friends, and strangers.

what you perceive to be right... or your experience is solely determined by what your subconscious mind accepts as truth. it's parallel to Henry Ford's — 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't—you're right.' something very dangerous when you are not aware of frequency” they can drag you into that frequency and trap you in there.

people would never be able to support you beyond their mental limitations.

not to mention how pathetic it is the smokers and vape-rs( I think?) that they're think they're cool but coba tanya pasangannya. apa iya cool dan oke banget? thrusting berapa lama kuatnya? gausah jauh jauh posisi missionary aja dulu. i have a high lib—– and I am not a smoker/vaper at any means and I can go 4-5 hours intensely and I think that's called cool. not sickening yourself. there are a lot contradictory ideas about what is cool and what is really cool and masc. not to mention when they're jogging/running, bleeeeeeeh letoy dan lembek banget jadi dimana kerennya?

let alone PMO, bikin lebih cepet keluar dan istrinya left unsatisfied. dimana letak kerennya harus bergantung sama suatu substansi?

perempuan harus berpendidikan tinggi. ibu adalah madrasah pertama dalam tumbuhkembang anak. rencana untuk mendidik anak itu harus dipersiapkan sedari dini, bukan soal goals-nya harus ABC, tapi bagaimana kita menikmati setiap prosesnya. tiga value yang aku pegang dalam hidup: knowledge, privilege, and time. tiga nilai yang aku tanamkan ke anakku kelak: contoh peran/rolemodel, tanggungjawab, dan konsekuensi. hidup ini diliputi dengan ketidaknyamanan dan diselingi oleh kesenangan. kebahagiaan, hanya diperoleh dengan bertauhid dan beramal sesuai tuntunan Rasulullah. sisanya, hanya kesenangan yang punya batas dalam kenikmatannya. orangtua yang akan membentuk anak akan seperti apa nantinya. ya Allah, aku minta kepadamu seorang suami yang pandai berbahasa Arab dan pandaikan aku dalam bahasa Inggris.

important to buy: The Couple's Workbook (The School of Life). Rp340.000, Mutakallim @rootsandgrowth 100.000.