do what you can with Allah's help.
visi&misi. “If money and time weren’t an issue. You didn’t have to work. You had all the money you needed. You had all the time you needed. What would you do?”
- top 3 books to read (in general, non-fiction or fiction?)
- top 3 YouTubers to listen
- top 3 instagram/x/content creator in general— accounts to follow
- how about short-form videos? like TikTok, reels, shorts, etc?
- top 3 people that you look forward to (secara profesional, bisnis, agama, role-model, dsb).
- test mbti/saboteur/narcissistic tendencies test/big five personality by truity/DISC behavioral style https://www.123test.com/ Carl Jung Personality test https://www.123test.com/ blossom up love language test $1.45 and attachment style (secure/avoidant/etc).
- what quote that describes you a lot?
- top 3 things(immaterial) & stuff(material) you love? (may be a hobby)
- 3 countries you would like to visit and why?
- what area do you want to improve? fitness/culinary/medicinal/homesteading/finance/people management/business development...
- life principles that you value most? mine: knowledge (possess truth, wisdom, efficient system, privacy, and easiness in doing life), privilege (wealth, education, network, languages, psychology insight, legacy, etc), and time. waktu adalah modal paling dasar dan modal paling utama bagi semua manusia. ini adil. aku mengukur orang itu berdasarkan waktu.
- pernah melihara peliharaan?
- what do you ever sacrifice to be in this stage of life? aku: being a career and leadership-driven person. contoh: gajadi lanjut freeport, gajadi S2 manajemen UI saat itu.
- what type of investment person do you? cash/gold/properties-real estate/trading/bonds-obligations?
- show me your meme (9 panels) – What they laugh at.
- who they hang out with mostly? name his @
- what do you find hard to not splurge to? mine: something digital that improves my mood/life like google play purchase, linkedin learning, subscriptions, game (in the past) and maybe, perfume. bisa jadi: making, traveling, body care, books, games, pets, etc.
- to check on what other people are doing in their social media. show me your explore page/fyp/stuff. check the wallpaper on phone too.
- taking notes with digital or physical?
- what kind of food do you like? sehari masak berapa kali? apakah bisa dengan menu sama?
- pernah mengurus orang sakit? pernah melihat orang sakratul maut? pernah mengurus jenazah? pernah menguburkan seseorang/seekor hewan?
- financial stuff, 50/50 or provider and homemaker? bagaimana prinsip dalam finansial? “work hard play hard, hutang itu bikin semangat kerja” atau ..? bagaimana aset dan gaji/pemasukan? hutang dan beban?
- apa yang diprioritaskan dalam rumah tangga? kejujuran, kesabaran, ...
- how is your relationship with mom? dad? sibling(s)?
Every person has some broken relationship, be it a breakup, betrayed by their friends or family members. Listen to how they express about their heartbreak, their choices of words, their emotions. It tells a lot about the person’s maturity level.
If you ever want to know what someone worships, when you enter into their home, look for their altar.
I’m not referring to a religious or spiritual altar. I’m referring to the thing/activity that they worship most. You will notice that it’s prominently displayed as a kind of centerpiece, often in their living room.
For some people, it’s a huge television (indicating that watching entertainment or sports is a high priority in their life). Others will have a huge open kitchen as an altar. For them, food and cooking are the main priority.
Some may have a shrine to partying (various bottles of alcohol), physical fitness (gym equipment), fetishes (sex toys), networking (golf clubs), spiritual work (yoga props or meditation altar), super hero fantasies (action figures, video games or comic book posters), or family (photos of kids and relatives).
A loft may even be minimally furnished, but with a huge California King bed in the middle of it. That person prioritizes/worships sleep. Others convert garages to altars of varying interests (arts and crafts, model trains, smoking marijuana, etc).
Now that you know to look for it, you’ll see a person’s altar prominently displayed within a few seconds of entering their home, and it will reveal a lot about what they care most about.
[test of compability] not good or bad. a. Question: Do you like bright colors or sober ones? –> if the person says he/she likes bright color that means that person tends to be a bit extroverted, and there is a chance that person would not consider anyone’s inconvenience to do his task. (i.e. if that person wants to play music then he/she would not think much on if others in the house would like it or not). And this person may be loud and almost like an open book. if the person chooses sober color as the option, then that person inclines to think for others convenience before doing a task. Also, that person may be soft-spoken.
b. Question: How do you like to think? Sitting? Lay down? or Walking? –> if the answer is either ‘walking or sitting’ then that person is not much of a secretive. but if the answer is ‘sleeping’, then you are dealing with a closed book there, full of secrets you do not want to come across.
c. Question: When you were younger, did you sharpen your pencil from one end or from both the ends? –> if you are the person who sharpens the pencil from one end then you like your things and place tidy(it is another thing if you keep them that way; but you would like it that way for sure.) if you liked to sharpen it from both the ends then you are a bit messy and you like things to be done in advance, as in always in hectic mood when emergency.
d. Question: this is to see if the person in front of you is interested in basic science or not; ON what does snap works? Collision? or Friction?
if the answer is either collision or friction, it is wrong. snapping finger needs both collision and friction to make sound.
This is more of an observation. If the person doesn’t giggle or laugh after hearing and answering these weird questions then that person must be hell of a boring one. Leeeeeeeave! Extra one: if everything falls according to your preference and you want to encourage that person to say ‘YES’ for you, then tell that person at the end of the conversation: “you must be thinking that there should be some explanations to these questions, right?(let’s assume the answer is nodding) then I will reveal the explanations once our parents allow us to talk further.
e. Your personality type is revealed by your punctuality: If you’re reaching everywhere late then you have “Type B (flexible, relaxed, laid-back attitude)”. If you’re reaching everywhere on time, then you have “Type A (competitive, aggressive, achievement-oriented)”.
f. Your eating habits reveal lot about how you approach life: Slow eaters like to be in control and appreciate life. Fast eaters are ambitious, adventurous, & impatient. Picky eaters are neurotic in different areas of life. Those who separate food in their plate, are detail-oriented & disciplined.
g. How Controlling a person can be revealed by their Inbox: Those who start organizing their emails, the moment they receive it, like to have control & order in their lives. Those who save the emails, even after reading them, are perfectionists, who think they make need it later. Lastly, those who don’t spend their time reading, filing, & deleting emails, are people who can easily get confused or overwhelmed.
h. Your Music interest reveals lot about your personality: A person who listens to “complex & reflective” music, is adventurous, has self-perceived intelligence, & political liberalism. A person who listens to “conventional & upbeat” music, is athleticism, self-perceived physical attractiveness, & political conservatism.
What and how they talk about others when they are not around. What do they mostly talk about. Is it gossip or deep meaningful conversations? How they treat the restaurant staff. How they behave when they are in a position of power or authority i.e CEO, President, or even just an older sibling. Do they show ego or humbleness? How they handle a breakup. Are they bitter or do they forgive? What they complain about and how often they complain. How they treat animals. How they respond to criticism, failures, and praise. Their handshake. Is it weak or firm? How often they use the letter “I”. How they handle rejection. Who they hang out with mostly. How they handle “whose fault is this?”. Is it always finger pointing or do they take ownership? How they act in a traffic jam. Here is where you can judge how easily irritated they get. What kind of partner they choose. How often they take selfies.
- The things they like. (Their environment)
- The words they use (You can tell who are their friends)
- The face (You can tell, whether they fake the smile, or are a genuinely happy person) FAKE OR REAL SMILE?
- The problems they get nervous about. (The Great person can handle large problems with an ease of emotion. They stay calm under the huge pressure. Overwise, the other person will get stressed about making an insignificant mistake at his work)
- The Accent (You can tell about the career achievements of the person. The more successful the person is, the more easy to understand his accent, and the more fluent and simple words he uses are)
Their behavior. It took me 23 years to learn that behavior will tell you a whole lot more about a person than what they say.
- How a person listens (and whether she does it at all). Does she focus on what’s being said, or is she looking at her phone, over your shoulder, or composing what she will say in reply?
- How a person treats his mother: how he speaks about her, whether he makes time to be with her, whether he expects to only be taken care of, and whether he expresses love and affection. My mother told me, “Watch how a man treats his mother because that is how he will be with you.” True, but it is also how he will relate to others.
- Complaining. Do things go wrong because of what someone else did? Is life always hard, unfair and they cannot get a break? Is nothing OK? Are they nitpicky? Do “those people” cause all the problems? A negative person is sad, but also infectious.
Every small detail counts in some way. It depends heavily on the observer's ability to interpret what various things might mean about a specific person. Some might be more obvious than others.
From my perspective, I find observing the following behaviors allows some insight into another person's personality (and even character):
How a person responds to a movie that relies heavily on empathy and emotionally connecting to the characters. Are they open to honest constructive feedback or are they easily insulted? Are they the eternal victim or the creator of their own destiny? Are they the author of their own life story? How a person interacts with those who can do nothing for them. Is accuracy and clarity (spelling, punctuation, legible writing) in communication important to a person? A person's threshold for listening vs. talking. Do they read? Do they listen to music? The books (if any) occupying space on their bookshelves and playlists they create can be signals of their interests, choice of entertainment, and represent their history. A preference for DIY or pre-fab? Artisan or factory-made? Does it matter to them? With what types of things? Why? A collector or minimalist? What do they collect? What do they purge with abandon? Are they frequently late while rushing in… creating a dramatic flurry with a million apologies and excuses (or say nothing at all?)… or are they reliably early? Is punctuality important to them? Do their words match their behavior? (Big one regarding character there. If they don't, it isn't something to take lightly!) Can they sacrifice immediate gratification for something they claim to want “the most”? (Do they see things in terms of the big picture or do they get so lost in minutae they don't see the forest for the trees?) But most of all, from my observations, I think this detail is one of the most interesting: Take note of what people photograph/document the most. I find it's often what they are most afraid of losing.
So how do you get a glimpse of who the person inside is?
The easiest way to tell what kind of character a person has is to see how they treat other people, especially people below them on the social ladder. If someone is rude to waitresses or stiffs the car valet or is contemptible of panhandlers then you’ve learned something really important. That is, how they treat these people is how they are going to treat you in six months or so when you they are no longer selling themselves to you and don’t “need” to be on their best behavior, kind or generous. Putting on an act is hard work. After awhile they will tire of it and their real selves will come out and they will treat you as they treat others. If they treat others poorly then they will treat you poorly also.
Another thing you can look at is their honesty in small things. People who are dishonest in small things will eventually be dishonest in big things that are really important. If you’re with someone who shoplifts small items or stiffs the waiter on a tip or who revels in how they got one over on a cashier to save money on something then you know what kind of character they are going to exhibit towards you later – dishonest. It shows you that they will hurt others to promote themselves and that they either don’t care or enjoy the small victory. And that could extend even as far as important things like fidelity. Someone who is dishonest in small things will be dishonest in big things if they can get away with it.
I have dated many, many women. One of the things I notice when I come to their house for the first time is how clean it is. I am no “neat freak” but if I were going to invite a woman over to my house for the first time I can assure you my house would be spotless. It’s not only a gesture of respect for them but I believe it’s a reflection of who I am to offer them a clean house to visit. I have been shocked to go to many women’s homes and find them a total shithouse. I don’t mean cluttered necessarily – we all are busy and get behind – but I mean filthy, with dirty dishes in the sink and empty glasses on the tables in the living room and so forth. If they are so uncaring when they are inviting you into their private domain for the first time then you already know what you’re in for when you get together – they will be lazy, dirty slobs who expect you to do the work or don’t care if it’s done anyway. The way a person keeps their home when you visit (especially for the first time) reflects how they feel about you and themselves inside.
Another thing to look for is how they handle setbacks. Everyone has setbacks, whether it’s missing that green light or missing a flight overseas, everyone has setbacks. In the short term watching how a person reacts to bad traffic, a rude server, being detained by circumstances and so on. People who are easily frustrated and become angry or aggressive easily are telling you how they are going to react to you in six months when you inevitably trip them up, as we all do to our partners from time to time. How can you expect patience, understanding and equanimity from your partner when they can’t control themselves over something small?
Another small thing I look for is interests and hobbies. People who have no hobbies or interests make me question their viability for any kind of friendship or relationship. Either work is their life or they spend all their time watching television. Hobbies and passions, no matter what they are make a person interesting. Lack of these things mean they have nothing to talk about and either will latch on to you as their lifeboat or they will be very uninteresting or boring people. People with passion for anything – a pet, a hobby, a cause – anything, are very interesting and you can find them challenging, engaging and stimulating even frustrating. Otherwise it’s very difficult to maintain a relationship with them unless you are dragging them along to your passions like an anchor.
Trust building is a critical part of any relationship-building and it takes time and observation to determine someone’s integrity. Integrity is consistency of (usually good) behavior and actions over time. Anyone can be nice once; anyone can be good for a little while; but over time they will show who they really are. Relationships are built on how much trust you exchange with each other. People who trust too early in a relationship are often betrayed because they accepted that the other’s behavior of the moment was who they really are. It isn’t. It’s behavior over time that matters and it takes time to see that. In the short term we get glimpses of that through seemingly innocuous actions and responses that they make from habit or unconsciously. They are not always hard- and-fast but they are very good indicators of how much trust you should surrender in the short term.
[I never fail to be favorably impressed by people who have a fair number of empty slots on their work calendars] this is important.
Does he have varied interests? A person who does not read books, does not follow the news, and sees little point in the lifetime pursuit of knowledge will become “boring” over time. I believe an engaging and interesting person has an inquisitive and engaging mind, and that person always seeks to understand himself better and his world as well. [this is important for me]
How they spend their free time. Time is a precious resource that we all have in limited supply. How we use it reflects our priorities, values, and passions. So, how does someone spend their free time? Do they pursue hobbies, interests, goals, or causes that enrich their lives and make them happy? Or do they waste time, complain about boredom, or avoid responsibilities that would improve their lives and make them fulfilled? The way someone spends their free time tells us a lot about their personality, motivation, and happiness. [important for me]
mahar: 10.000.000 + emas 5 gram + cincin kawin + the couple's workbook (fisik) + tba